I need to get this out of my system, I’m getting way too wound up the more I think about it… and who could’ve guessed? It’s about work. The bane of my fucking existence.
So, I always do my best at work, I always say yes whenever I get asked to do a favor - even if it means changing/canceling my plans, and I put up with alot of shit. The reason I do all this is because I think if I ever need a favor I’d like to think it’d be done for me too. So, last year I missed out on Groezrock, as well as other things because I compromised and bit my tounge alot, so this year I thought, I’ll get the dates in the diary early (which no one else requested off) and it’ll be sorted, and fair enough the assistant manager has been pretty good about it all and said she doesn’t mind shift running alone for nearly a week while me and the manager are off but it depends if the manager can go 2 weeks without having a shift with her… suprise suprise, she can’t. It seems as though she can’t do much without her - fucking usless. Even though last year I had to run the shop nearly 3 weeks alone, I had another shop manager come and cover 4 days for me, but that was it, 4 days in 3 weeks and if something happened the nearest person to help me was in Rotherham. So how can that be okay, but 2 capable managers can’t go 2 weeks without each other - when they are a phone call away from each other?
So now I have to travel alone, I have to miss out on a day with my friends in amsterdam, and I have to pay a shitload of extra money for taxi’s etc even though I’ll be arriving a day later.
I am sick to death of bending over backwards for them and getting so upset, frustrated, stressed and loosing sleep, when I don’t get a thanks or anything. I keep saying I’m not going to keep doing favors for them but I find it hard to say no, especially when I think, how would I like it if someone won’t help me just out of spite? But maybe I should start being a bit tougher and stand my ground, I don’t know.
I’ve been trying to help myself by making more plans to go out, do things, see people, to be more sociable for my own good - otherwise i’ll end up in the same depressed state I was before but literally any plans I make get shit allover by work, then I end up being stuck in the same cycle of work, home, sleep for months and I find myself slipping back into this horrible state, I can’t win either way.. it’s as though I can either have no job and free time, but no money to do anything, or have a job sacrifice my plans, better judgment and my life practically for the sake of awkward managment and have a little bit of money… argh. I hate this, I hate everything, with the choices I have i’d be better off just not being her at all. FML rant over.
(Source: lucymcgann)
